by Paul Big Bear
Dear Friends,
At what age were you first exposed to death? For me, I was five when my dog died; I cried my heart out, as my best friend had died. In those days there were no ashes brought home (if indeed the dog was taken to a vet) and if you were in the country chances are the dog was put down and buried before you got home. I missed my dog a lot for a long time. Truth is I think about her to this day. The next death was my great grandmother, she was somewhere in her late nineties and had been living in a home for seniors as long as I could remember. I simply was told that Nana had died. Then it was time for my grandfather (Nana’s son) to go, I believe I was ten and I was there for the viewing, my first exposure to this ritual and the interment in the cemetery, a family plot. I remember when I heard he had died I found a sort of flat oval shaped rock and with another rock I carefully carved a cross.
I never said anything to anyone but when we went to the cemetery I waited and before leaving I placed that stone against his headstone. The last time I was there it was still there. I had so many questions about death and dying, I prayed about it, I read the Bible cover to cover, and when I got older I studied and received my Doctorate in Divinity. I wanted to be able to provide better answers for my children about death and life than what was available to me. My second dog came along in 1980 and she was a really loving wonderful animal. She disappeared in a heavy snow storm and I still to this day miss her. I truly believe that when I cross over both of these special friends will be waiting for me. The only thing we take with us is love and their true love will be there waiting.
I want to now talk about graves and grave sites, graveyards, and family plots. Sacred grounds where we lay the bodies of those loved ones when they depart, we go periodically to lay flowers on their graves and clean up around the headstones as we talk to our departed loved ones. If they served in the military they may get a flag on their grave. How many have a family Bible that holds the family history. I think of those who buried their family members on the hill out back where they could be seen every day. I also think about what happened to those graves when the last member died or moved away. How many communities, townhouses, or malls have been built where there once was a cemetery and no one came to visit any more. I never was able to lay my dogs to rest, but I find comfort in knowing that I will see them and all my relatives and friends again when my time comes. For now I will think fondly of them all and I know they will wait patiently, no matter how long, for me to get there. I have a lot to do before I go home and though there may be no gravesites or sacred burial grounds for some and I don’t visit the graves that are there that often I find it comforting to know that I am able to pray for them and speak to them and miss them. I no longer mourn them, instead I celebrate that they lived in my life and touched my heart. Ahalani Cha sut tah