Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion On Shopping

by Paul Big Bear

Dear Friends,

       I will, briefly, address the men reading this have any of you “volunteered” to go food shopping, for any reason. Why you have been placed in a position of going to the market is not important.

So on a given day you find yourself driving into the parking lot seeking a parking spot; close to the doors, under the shade of a tree would be nice, next you must get a buggy i.e. shopping cart. First you separate one from the others and begin pushing it into the fruit and produce department. On the way you find that one wheel does not turn causing the cart to move in circles so you return it to the rows of carts and choose another only this one wobbles like it has square tires. As you begin to contemplate abandoning your mission a nice lady offers you her cart which appears to be working. You exchange smiles and thank you and list in hand you bravely go back in. Here you stand at the threshold of a vast land of fruits and vegetables where bravely you begin seeking what should be a simple start. Bananas *foot note, two yellow and three green, not plankton, and not organic, hold everything! Not organic, I have been being fed plastic fruit?

As you gather your fruits and vegetables you find the sheer joy of opening the “special” bags to put them in. As you wander the food isles you encounter many interesting things, things strange to you. As I filled my cart, mentally checking off the items I have found because I don’t have a pen or pencil with me, I approached a familiar isle, my pace picked up, my mood became cheery, I was in the cereal aisle and memories of my childhood Saturday mornings filled my head. Corn Flakes, Cheerios and the Cheerio Kids, Frosted Flakes “They’re Greeeat”, Trix “are for kids silly rabbit.” Saturday mornings during the school year were special, I got my own breakfast (a bowl of cereal with milk) in front of the TV watching, “The Three Stooges” “Popeye” “Tom and Jerry” “The Lone Ranger” I was a king in my domain. Suddenly I looked at the price of a box of Corn Flakes, this can’t be right, reading quickly tells me that there is no free toy inside, no offer of a special purchase with saved box tops. Then my eye caught sight of a box of Trix but where was the rabbit and look at the shapes and colors, what happened to the round shape and three colors that made eating fun. I chose Frosted Flakes and soon I was in the check out area, as I stood there waiting a nice young girl asked if I needed help where I was informed that this was self check out.

I knew that was not going to happen. After a brief discourse I was led to a check out with someone on the register and a bagger, my groceries were tallied and with my receipt, somewhere around six feet long, in hand I pushed my cart towards the parking lot. On the way I came upon a lottery ticket machine and decided I would purchase a scratch off ticket. As I stood staring in puzzlement at the machine another nice young lady asked if I needed assistance, I looked at the machine and the dollar bill in my hand and I softly said “No thanks, I’ll just go home and have a bowl of cereal.”